Attack of the Sniffling Zombies

*Cough Cough*

Oh, excuse me, did I just infect you?

A few weeks ago, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced that Influenza A virus subtype H1N1 (blah blah blah), otherwise known as the Swine Flu, has killed (and infected) enough people to warrant the bold stamp of Pandemic; an eruption of disease worthy enough to stand labeled with such historic outbreaks as Cholera, Malaria, and HIV/AIDS.

You see, the word “Pandemic” alone is enough to scare the shit out of a whole grip of folks all across the world. How scared are they? I’d put it at a category Jocelyn – that is, at the same threat level as if the WHO declared cat face lady Jocelyn Wildenstein’s facial condition contagious. Nasty.

Enough with the ominous labeling and all this fuss; I’ll make due with a bottle of scotch, some contraband cigars, and the Delfonics on repeat.

If only the rest of the globe were on the same page with me. So what is it, world?!

Perhaps it’s the funky nature of the virus’s development. Popular culture has long taught us through flashy Hollywood productions to wallow in glee at the unexplained and unexpected, the bizarre and mutated. Swine Flu shares two genes from flu viruses that circulate in both avian and human genes. Perhaps it’s this combination and suggestion of malicious mutation that draws us in like, (pun intended), pigs to the slop.

Or perhaps it’s a time-based rationale that’s caused such concern and interest. Civilized first world countries haven’t seen a Pandemic since the world first accepted the seriousness of HIV/AIDS almost 40 years ago. Which, I should mention, is still plaguing thousands across the globe today.

Guess facemasks can’t do much there. WHERE DA RUBBERS AT!?!

Oops, too blunt? Anyway…

SARS came close but never made the grade, grinding to a halt just short of becoming an epic outbreak. No 3D-Hollywood-Kung Fu-Zombie blockbuster to look forward to (or avoid).

The Avian Flu blew its way across the world on the wings of my favorite poultry’s cousins and I shed a tear and poured out some Courvoisier for all those burnt to a crisp. And I don’t mean the finger-lickin-good kind. But even this stopped shy of “Pandemic,” as it failed to sustain its human-to-human zombie infection factor. Swine Flu, with it’s esoteric nature, is something the fear-based, drama craving people can latch onto.

For whatever reasons, Swine Flu is going to be a big deal. I mean, look... THE VACCINE RESEARCHERS GOT LEGAL IMMUNITY! And FOX News can't stop warning us about the coming doom from Swine Flu and how we should NOT stop worrying. Even though most the deaths have involved other medical complications. Or have occurred in countries with sub-par medical technology. Roll out the face masks and needle-points; we may see this one freak out a lot of unsuspecting idiots. I mean people. My apologies. This Swine Flu must be eating my frontal lobe.

So what’s my point in all this? Yea we’ve seen it before, the media pours out the warnings and the masses follow unquestioningly. What’s the big deal, it’s nothing new. Big surprise. Big whoop.

But see, here’s the catch: us in the free-wheeling, unconventionally startling art world can do more than sit back and shake our heads as the sheep of the world baa and tremble for fear of losing their wooly stuffing. We can take it to a whole ‘nother level. In the spirit of the western world let’s capitalize on the Swine Flu Pandemic; bring art and fashion to the forefront of attention using the popularity potential of mass hysteria.
Lets turn fear into world-class art.

*Cough Cough*

Here, take my Steez custom designed facemask, it’s got a pig getting fucked by the WHO snake. I got it offline. You should see the vaccine pills, they’re shaped like cigars and shotgun shells. My new mink coat isn’t really mink, it’s pig skin. Hypothetically, I’m a walking football. But it’s lined in Louis Vuitton classic print so at least I look stylish. Oh, AND I just talked to Jigga. He’ll drop a shout to the Swine Flu on his upcoming Blueprint 3…granted we aren’t all sniffling zombies by then.

FRESH.

This is the new generation of art snobs and popular culture. This is the wave of the future.

Suck it up or go cough on someone else.